SAKASAMA
(received Honorable Mention in NYCMidnight's 2020 100-word Microfiction Challenge:
parameters = Romantic Comedy / Reading a book / the word "better" )
He first saw her at Totto’s slurping on ramen. A day later they walked into the little Chelsea cake pop store simultaneously. He held the door for her and she smiled saying, “Thank you”. He believed in fate when he walked into the Webster Library and there she was reading a magazine. Blindly grabbing a book from a shelf, he feigned naturalness as he slipped into the chair across from her.
“You might have better luck reading that if it was right side up.” She flashed a bright smile.
His face flushed.
They walked out of the library together.
Dear Leslie Patient,
The feedback from the judges on your first round submission from the 100-word Microfiction Challenge 2020 is below. You should be proud of rising to the challenge and we hope you find the feedback helpful. Thank you for participating, stay safe, and we hope to see you in a future competition!
''Sakasama'' by Leslie Patient - WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - {1636} This is a sweet, short narrative, with their interaction in the final sentences being the highlights of the piece. {1854) I liked how specific the setting of this story was. It gave it more personality. {1774} This felt sweet, charming and light-hearted. It seemed fate wanted these two together since they kept meeting up everywhere. Amusing and romantic. WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - {1636} One thing that could help this story stand out a bit more would be to introduce some character perspective. The notion of fate, happenstance is strong, but feels like it's coming from somewhat of an outside voice. {1854) There isn't any conflict in this piece. Conflict is necessary to plot, without it, the story is boring. {1774} Reveal if one of them overheard something to intentionally be where the other was going to be later. Also, share physical attributes and any intangibles that attracted each to the other.
