They say that you get a little hit of dopamine every time you check your e-mail or FB status. It's probably similar to what might have happened when you went to the mailbox years ago and found a personal letter. It's the feeling of human contact, connection, that the internet has both wondrously given and yet paradoxically surreptitiously stolen away. It's New Year's Eve and I'm sitting on the couch, roaring fire-- well not as roaring now, comfy-- but alone. My children were chomping at the bit to go to the neighbor's home whose dog we are caring for while she parties in NYC at the "largest singles party in the city." So I'm now actually alone right now. Me and my geriatric dog and even more geriatric cat. Dying fire, dying animals, dying year. Whoah-- that's a bit pessimistic. I'm not feeling down. I'm just feeling--- blah. New Year's Eve always feels that way to me. It's so anti-climactic. There is the build up to Christmas-- which always seems to deliver-- but New Year's has the hype and none of the magic. Maybe I'm sad-- because I'm spending yet another holiday without my love. The kids could soak up all the love on Christmas-- Christmas doesn't even count if there aren't children around. But New Year's-- you need someone to kiss at midnight. Sure-- I can kiss the kiddos. I can even get a furry kiss from the geriatric animals. But this night has that hype of love and passion and being with the person of your dreams---. I'm lucky-- he's in my life-- he's just not here right now-- and for that I feel fortunate-- for New Year's Eve is rough for all the legit single people--- if it's lonely enough for me and I'm only temporarily single. So--- to all of you-- who wish New Year's Eve didn't have all the hype of romance-- I'm with you--that's why I spent two hours on Facebook tonight, people-- getting all those hits of dopamine.

Just saw James Cameron's AVATAR and can say I'm much more in agreement with the critics that taut it as a groundbreaking phenomenal movie rather than on the side of folk who are saying "old story, wooden dialogue." Yes, it is an old story, as old as Medea and Jason, it's essentially parts of the Illiad. But what Cameron has done is create a new world into which to place this old story. And other critics, too, argue that the film is too political. Sure, it is political, but if we as a domineering nation read into Cameron's script as being critical of the U.S. that's because that's who we are. ANY domineering, imperialistic nation that believes that those who will not bend to their will are inferior and "savage" will see the same thing. This post-colonial world has many villains, yet, as Cameron's film portrays there are as many conflicted "former" conquerors, who realize the rights of the natives-- albeit sometimes too late. However, in Hollywood, it's never too late. Too bad we can't have the tree of life sort things out in the Middle East.

I've lost track of how many Christmasses of the 19 that Steve and I have known one another that we've been apart. It's probably close to half. This is the first year, however, where I actually had to be the only adult in the morning. Usually I'm at my parents' house, or I have my brother or a visiting friend or something. But this time I did the whole Christmas morning thing on my own. And it wasn't so bad. Because my kids are awesome and Christmas is awesome. But it still would have been a whole lot better if Steve were here.

Tough Way to become a Millionaire

James Bain was wrongly accused of the kidnapping and rape of a nine-year old boy because the boy picked him out of a line-up in 1974. Despite an alibi corroborated by a witness, Mr. Bain was convicted and spent the last 35 years in jail, until the Florida Innocence Project finally got DNA evidence to be tested and retried and exonerated Bain. He was only 19 years old when he was put in jail. And yet the man harbors no anger, says he's got his faith. That may be true and for that he is a better man than most who leave jail. To have spent one's whole adult life in jail, it seems unfathomable. Yet, Florida has a law that gives $50,000 a year for every year in jail if you've been wrongfully convicted. Mr. Bain is entitled to $1.75 million!! Well, he's got God for sure, but at least he's also got a savings now, something he surely will need as he adjusts to this new planet.

REAL MEN LOVE THEIR PREGNANT WIVES

Ok. I'll admit it. I'm following the Tiger Woods story. I am fascinated with all the issues his infidelity brings up. First of all, yes, it's true, he was not sprung from divine loins, he is, much to the nation's chagrin, HUMAN. That's a relief in some ways. It's too hard on humanity to see someone so talented, so wealthy, seemingly so on top of the game of life without pretty much thinking we are doomed in our mere mortal existence. Tiger, however, with these indescretions has now finally reached that pinacle of hero-dom, his hubris has been exposed and like many a semi-divine figure, his fall from grace is viewed with an odd mix of pleasure and fear. The pleasure is of the Schadenfreude kind, but the fear-- the fear is dependent on one's gender. Men, I would surmise, look on Tiger's predicament as a cautionary tale, the kind that makes them erase their own "special friends" from e-mail lists and cell phone directories. The great fear for women comes when we look at Elin Nordegren Woods. She's beautiful. Drop dead gorgeous. If a man can cheat on her, what hope do most of us schleps have?? Then the fear almost melts into a resignation, that it's true-- All men are scum. Tiger Woods, THE Tiger Woods still fell into the most trite cliche of a man who would cheat on his wife when she was pregnant and bearing children. Appalling. I do say all of this knowing full well there are wonderful faithful men out there, ones who enjoy loving their pregnant child-bearing wives, fully and wholly and EXCLUSIVELY. I know, I married one.