Tuesday, April 5, 2016

One year ago today
I held your hand and said I loved you
I rubbed your slender feet and listened
to your labored breathing
I sat with brother, sisters, father
and we saw your spirit
lifted up.

One year ago today
my heart broke a little and the wound
feels fresh when I write about it
so I don't write about it
but that doesn't mean you are not
alive in almost every thought
of every day
If only mom were here
A mantra
a sigh
a dream

One year ago today
I learned that love never dies
that family is forever
that my Dad is not afraid to let us know
he grieves
and he remembers
and he hurts
and he heals
and so do we.

I can barely look at a photo of you
without crying still
I don't know if that is normal
I hear it is
that years from now it will feel almost
the same
the poignancy of a lost parent
like an actual missing piece of
my being

I always remember reading about
and they were important to acknowledge
and celebrate
because if you didn't
it was like the actual event never happened
too bad it doesn't work that same way in death
but I guess, then again, it's important to remember
this day
because it means remembering your life
the fullness, and warmth, and love
that is our memory of you.